Shame #2

I was just having a nosey through my website - having not touched it in nearly a year and read my blog post on shame.

It’s a funny world we live in.. it’s like writing about shame previously opened my doors to learn SO much more about it. I can’t remember the ins and outs of how I got to where I am now in my relationship to it but towards the back end of 2022 I was introduced to the work of the incredible David Bedrick and my outlook on life has changed dramatically ever since. Taken from his website, he says:

‘Up until now, shame theorists have focused on resilience and deep self-acceptance as the ‘medicine’ for shame.

But shame is not a feeling, it is an internalized viewpoint.

You could sit with shame forever and it will never transform into compassion, empathy, or love. It will only continue to expand until it engulfs you.

To free yourself from shame’s suffocating grip, you must fundamentally shift the way you view yourself, your shame, and the world.

UnShaming goes much deeper than building resilience. It counters shame by finding the meaning, message, and wisdom within it.

Through over 30 years of studying shame, I’ve found that it is possible to move beyond simply building greater immunity to shame. You can actually befriend the parts of your story that are shrouded in shame by unlocking them from their cages.’

And I fully agree with him - shame is an essence. It’s a filter you can see life through. Shame is the ‘I’m too XYZ’ or the ‘I should be/do/have XYZ’. Shame is the lack of a loving witness. Shame keeps you in a box. Shame keeps feeling ‘I’m too loud’ but at the same time ‘I’m too quiet’. Damn it’s confusing.

Un-shaming yourself, allows you to be you. Exactly as you are in any given moment. There’s no need to hide because you own yourself, just as you are.Davids work is transformational , it’s free-ing and it makes you feel heard - I call that magic!

Be you,

Izi xx